What do you live for?
Sigh.. sometimes, I feel that I think far too much.. far too unnecessary… One of my favorite spot at home is right in front of a full length wall mirror, while seated in a rattan chair. Sometimes, I like to sit there alone in the dark, often scaring my sister when she walked past the living room unsuspected.
One afternoon, I was seated at the same spot, allowing my mind to drift to the past and future. My mother walked into my holy realm and started a conversation. She said a lot (as always). A particular topic lingered which gave me the inspiration for this entry. She told me that my grandmother had once said to her that if she were to pass on now, she will be very happy. It struck me that she told me the same thing when I was in my teens. She said she has lived a full life, she has no regrets.
A life with no regrets….How cool! Somehow, as I reflected and looked into my own life, I am quite glad to realize that I will be satisfied to leave this world without much desires unfulfilled. I have fought to do the things I have wanted all my life. I will always have good reasons to support the decisions I’ve made, although some had turned out to be less than perfect experiences.
I have loved unconditionally, possessed selfishly;
been an adorable human being to some, an annoying brat to others;
dived into some ridiculous adventures, cowardly rejected many;
made certain people proud of my doings, made some disproved of my works;
had plenty to spend on my next meal, counted the last few shillings in my purse;
found faith in the many individuals I’ve befriended, faced evil in my own heart;
shed tears with a broken heart, oblivious to those I’ve shattered;
Obstinately keeping up with the ideals I’ve gotten from fairy tales, negotiated some cos at times, it’s just too painful to be lonely.
Life is a roller coaster. Darn.. I hate roller coasters. But I’m glad I’ve done it, at least once :>
