Welcome Home

I visited China in 2007. China is not just an ordinary traveling destination. To me, it is where it all begins. Being an ethnic Chinese in a young migrant society, there has always been a strong sense of questioning about “when did we come from?”. We have been educated in formal and popular media about how Singapore grew to be what it is today.

I’ve always wondered about the choices my great grand parents made, and the paths they have taken to give the life my family and I have now. One of my agendas in visiting China is to reconnect with what I thought, to be the roots of my existence.

We always take our identity as Singaporeans for granted and traveling always reminded me of who I am. Sometimes, when u travel, you lose yourself in a new setting. I was just getting comfortable being a suave wanderer when one episode caught me off guard and my heart ached of homesickness at that point of time.

I was in inner Mongolia describing Singapore to a group of interested travelers. Questions like how many languages do you speak in Singapore? What food do you eat there? How big is the population in Singapore? As all these questions poured in, I was slowly regaining visions of Singapore, (The hawker centers, the HDBs, the merlion, national parades, SBS buses, Comfort taxis, squeazy MRTS, ah bengs and lians,), and was being reminded what it feels like back home. All of a sudden, a student volunteering at the hostel I was staying at joined the group excited, and exclaimed,” 新加坡 呀！ 我阿姨说那是世界上最美的国家!”

I looked at him and saw in him a form of pure wonderment and certainty that I felt ashamed of myself for joyfully leaving my own country. I was filled with gratitude, an inner voice saying “ thanks for believing in my country, thanks for bringing me back home.”

I landed in Changi airport terminal 2 upon my arrival. As I ride the escalator, making my way towards the immigration counter, I headed to the queues, which says SINGAPOREANS/PERMANAENT CITIZENS. And a screen below scrolls, WELCOME HOME.

Patriotism is not just an idealistic notion. It is felt and lived by. It is a natural process of attachment to a demarcated piece of land. It is nurtured over the years by generations who weathered the storm and stood by to defend what they have come to love.

Like many young Singaporeans, I complained about many things that are lacking in Singapore. I am curious about the world beyond and can’t wait to get my feet dirty on those off beaten tracks. But now I know for sure. Regardless of where I will be in the future, I can never erase what has been rooted in me since the day I was born. I can never be detached from the place I’ve learned to love, fear, cry, laugh, fall and stand.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE

Fear vs Faith

Fear grabs you and drags you to the worst possible scenarios. It takes the light out of the picture. Fear rationalizes in the coldest manner, interprets human hearts in its most sinister, malicious forms.
Fear teaches one to be on guard, to reject pain. It lectures that pain should not be felt, it is undeserving.

Faith on the other hand is the most motivating, embracing force ever. It works exactly in the opposite direction. It opens one’s mind to see light and hope in every worst-case scenario. It sees beyond human flaws. It understands, and accepts its deficiencies. It forgives and offers second chances all the time. It feels pain but acknowledges and delights in its ability to feel and be connected to oneself and others. It does not give up hope.

Most of us struggle with the two constantly. Sometimes, they overwhelm us by providence. At times, we fight and select the paths they offer. Sometimes, I slip into the world of dreams, just a place where I do not have to fight fear but a place where, when I look into the eyes of people, I see only faith..