That paradise is in you…

A paradise can be presented in many varied ways. A word of kindness, an infectious laughter, a rainbow after a storm, the rays of the morning sun, the mystery of the milky way…

But it is the ability to connect to these elements that the paradise can be presented to you.

I’ve always enjoyed immersing myself for a decent period of time in a foreign land. I usually find myself more tender, heart more open, mind clearer when I return. This is especially true when the area of visit is of a natural setting. Nature has a strange effect on city people.

In an urban setting, control and management are the core of a functional city life. Many times, some of us might even think of ourselves as the master of universe. The desire to get what we want through strategized means is seen in the daily workings of urban planned life.

Nature has its ways in showing how insignificant and vulnerable one is. But its embracing ways has allowed us to survive in her loving arms. This realization surrenders one in the cosmic flow of destiny. At the end of the day, one is filled with respect and gratitude for the things that are given.

I am grateful for the experience I had in my recent trip to Australia. I took them in as much as I can and will always take solace in that place of tranquility whenever I need a breather.

Self-righteousness…Watch out for that, goody two shoes!!

I used to get really annoyed and upset when people call me naïve. I equate that to being stupid, ignorant and unwise.

There was this interview I went when I just graduated. As I poured my idealism onto my interviewers, the only remark offered was” You ought to be in a child care industry”.

I have always been a headstrong person. Values based on the conventions of right and wrong. I was the vice head prefect back in school and I found pride in fighting for “justice”, so to speak. I never doubted my opinions, and I had always felt righteous for the things I believed in.

Sure, that’s the result of a sheltered life. As the world peels itself, the numerous situations I’ve encountered made it hard to differentiate the blacks and whites, I started questioning the basis of my “righteous” values.

The years of questioning, exploring, searching, made me realized that I have indeed been naïve. I was naïve because I had made judgments on circumstances, on people, by only experiencing a tiny share of life. My heart was narrow because of the judgments I’ve made.

Now I seek a form of reconciliation with the world and my rooted idealism. I am not jaded. Yes, I had been disappointed, but what rose from the ashes is in fact, renewed hope in life, in people, and strangely, the beliefs I held before. Now with my eyes open and my heart stronger.

People made choices and are the way they are because of what they went through. I have not felt their pain and shed their tears. Who am I to say they are wrong. My experience equipped me with the tools to defend myself. Not towards the person, but the evil that exists in everyone of us. I will continue to do my part for the world, but I can only leave the change to the way of the divine for I am only just part of the process.

I embrace what comes along. The world is what it is. This acceptance offers clarity for me to make life choices out of a deeper understanding of self.

Eventually, I hope to obtain closure to the numerous conflicts I have. But I am no longer afraid. It is part of life. Sure, I will keep crying, but I will laugh somewhere in my heart at the same time while the tears are flowing. For, I can feel and grow from it.

Some people still call me naïve when I share with them. But now, I am flattered, as it seems that I haven’t lost myself after all…

Man in the mirror…Taking on our top 8 sins

The latest campaign for a more gracious society triggered an interest among my friends on our recent hang out. If u recall, the commercial was about a couple caught littering by 2 under cover officials (that’s how I interpreted the roles of the 2 actors)

This is not the first time campaigns of such nature hit the screen, but how far have we progressed since the courtesy campaign?

Habits are hard to kick. The daily, busy routinely lifestyle of the average Singaporean makes it hard to think about the little details which if we changed, could make life a whole lot nicer for the rest of us.

My friends and I explore the areas of our daily lives, which we vowed to make a change to create more positive and friendlier living conditions.
We call it … “Our top 8 Sins”

Sin #1: Why can’t we clear our trays ?

We were all trained in school to clear up after dining. But somehow we lost touch with it after we step into the “real world” Why oh why? I, myself was a victim. It took a foreign friend to point out to me how inconsiderate the behavior is. It is especially true when we are at a busy fastfood restaurant and clearing the table ourselves would allow others to save time waiting for a table to be cleared.

The theory about job creation is debatable. The job of clearing up after inconsiderate behavior, which indirectly promotes it, is not something that should be encouraged, isn’t it?

Sin #2 : Let others get out first!!

PCK n Rosie said it best. Whether it is waiting for the train or the elevator, it does make more sense to enter when the passageway is cleared of exiting passengers. We are used to the “natural flow” of how things work that we are blinded by how inefficient the system is.

Sin #3: Please hold the door for the person behind you and be grateful if you have received such kindness

Most of us are so concerned about moving on that we don’t make an effort to look back. Doors get slammed into the face of the person behind whose hands are tied up with shopping bags or a crying baby.

And please return the gratitude by a simple thank you. I did an experiment where 7 out of 10 walked through the door while I held the door wide open as if I am a door-opening sensor.

Sin #4: Come on , face it. You don’t need so many plastic bags.

We don’t. Really.Yeah, we need a few at home for our rubbish bins, and …. But let’s try maximizing the space in each plastic bag so that we can reduce the number we take home, and eventually get thrown out because we have too much.

Bottles, snacks can be stuffed into your packs, so return the plastic bag.

Sin #5:The number of cars running the red light n basic car courtesy..

I don’t drive so I won’t know. But friends have commented that Singaporeans seemed to have a Schumacher alter ego. The destination is the finishing line. We all rush to beat the lights, deny others overtaking, cutting lanes.

Sin #6: I love movies, please don’t ruin it for me

I’m sure we have experienced that in the cinema where people discuss the movie in the middle of it, talk on the phone, talk about where their next hang out place would be….. This is pretty direct. It’s plain rude.

Sin #7: Hop into the next cab in the line.

I was badly embarrassed a few years ago when a passenger next to me chided me publicly for delaying the queue by lazily waiting for the cab to arrive at my footsteps. I was clearly unhappy but once I simmer and thought through my actions, I realized the person was right.

Yup, I am proud to say I have become a better commuter now.

Sin #8: Le’t try to live as a community. Clear up the public space as you would at home

I am working on this as well. We are not used to clearing up public spaces besides when we are in a community project, or hmm…. corrective service. But I think it’s a good habit to start cultivating to be more aware of litter in the public space.

We are a young nation but we can’t keep using that as our excuse. We are responsible for our own quality of life. Take responsibility for our own actions. As individuals, or as a society, we are ready for the next step.
Be aware…for the greater good.

If I am not a saint

In this seemingly perfect world, everyone is trying to fit into that photo-shopped, flawless mould. Are we able to embrace the less than perfect? Are we strong enough?

Sometimes, I get into moments of intense emotions.  Below is a poem I wrote which a particular happening drew me into a state of self-questioning.

If I am not a saint…

Let me say this while my conscience shouts:

Words of sugar I denied

Words of daggers I held in pride.

But soon I turned around and find

A trail of broken hearts I left behind

B’cos I dreamt of a mighty me

Wield the sword and slay the beast

In my wake, I know I am not

Lack the strength to walk the talk

Love and peace I wish for all

So that we can all stand tall

I pray for powers from the above the skies

Before the lord of darkness leaves us dry

And as my pen comes to a halt

Please tell me in a form of a nod

Will you still love me tomorrow?

If I am a saint, not?

Dawn of the year

I begin the new year with a quick look back at 2009…. Fantastic! It had its share of joy and tears and everything in between. I cannot ask for more. Looking forward, I strive to take every breath a little deeper, exhale a little longer, immerse in the ticks and tocks of time. That will be life for me.

I share with u 2 passages and will end off with an extract of an inspiring poem,

A close friend of mine wrote the 2 passages. I love them for their insights and sincerity.

The poem, an extract from “Invictus” struck me as strong and motivating. A very apt sign off, I thought. Have a great 2010 pple!!

歸於簡單

需要與欲望被混亂的世界 勾心鬥角 無法給於滿足
明明懂得自己需要的 卻為了想要的 把需要的當成犧牲品
耍心機會令彼此受傷害
名牌並不等於自信與尊重
禮物不代表關心呵護
會令人感動的是堅韌的親情，友情 與感性
我認真對待每個與我相逢的人的感情
因為是社會是由人所造 只有人能讓一切歸回簡單
希望每個人都能好好對待別人 別把需要和想要留在課本裡。

P/S: 我也喜歡物質生活 不過是學會取捨

簡單並不等於傻

某網友說這世界是黑暗的
我看見黑暗事很多 例如在工作上看見家人朋友情人騙取金錢的案例頻頻上演
對我而言 簡單與傻是有分別的
簡單是懂得很多是一輩子不會發生在自己身上的黑暗事，不
表示傻到當它不存在
我很幸運有家人對我像公主般的呵護 但是了解有為了貪或權利 而上演的家庭暴利和詐騙案
不是沒在人生路上被背叛與欺騙 只是正因為如此而更懂得看人和珍惜對自己好的人
例如我脾氣暴躁時 朋友就會忍受我發標的壞脾氣 而我就當他們的陽光大使 鼓勵他們
因為人生在世 不可能一切如自己所願
我曾經因為一連串的傷害 對人性絕望 冷眼理性對待全部人
但是卻慢慢發現人在變換世界中 唯一能選擇是生活態度。
因為很多人無需對我好 卻對我很好
例如不認識的阿姨 看見烈日當空 就為我承傘

p/s:我說我認真對待別人 但沒說沒看見不認真的人
————————————-Jace Chen——————

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

————————————-William Ernest Henley——-

How do I protect you in this crazy world….

I love being around children. They are so pure in their actions and expressions. So ready to soak in every experience they encounter. They indulge so freely in the things happening around them. I look at my growing cousins and children of friends, I sometimes wish that they can be children forever. I will hate to see them get over heartbreaks, and shed their innocence day by day as they build up their bank of worldly knowledge.

As mentioned many times, I am an idealist. Yes, I have accepted the fact that I can’t change the world, much less save it. But I can’t help the feeling that comes over me when I see a wide-eyed child so immersed in their every moment of time.

Then comes my silent prayer to them: I wish that the world will always be beautiful and interesting in your eyes, that your passion for life never runs dry.

What do you live for?

Sigh.. sometimes, I feel that I think far too much.. far too unnecessary… One of my favorite spot at home is right in front of a full length wall mirror, while seated in a rattan chair. Sometimes, I like to sit there alone in the dark, often scaring my sister when she walked past the living room unsuspected.

One afternoon, I was seated at the same spot, allowing my mind to drift to the past and future. My mother walked into my holy realm and started a conversation. She said a lot (as always). A particular topic lingered which gave me the inspiration for this entry. She told me that my grandmother had once said to her that if she were to pass on now, she will be very happy. It struck me that she told me the same thing when I was in my teens. She said she has lived a full life, she has no regrets.

A life with no regrets….How cool! Somehow, as I reflected and looked into my own life, I am quite glad to realize that I will be satisfied to leave this world without much desires unfulfilled. I have fought to do the things I have wanted all my life. I will always have good reasons to support the decisions I’ve made, although some had turned out to be less than perfect experiences.

I have loved unconditionally, possessed selfishly;
been an adorable human being to some, an annoying brat to others;
dived into some ridiculous adventures, cowardly rejected many;
made certain people proud of my doings, made some disproved of my works;
had plenty to spend on my next meal, counted the last few shillings in my purse;
found faith in the many individuals I’ve befriended, faced evil in my own heart;
shed tears with a broken heart, oblivious to those I’ve shattered;
Obstinately keeping up with the ideals I’ve gotten from fairy tales, negotiated some cos at times, it’s just too painful to be lonely.

Life is a roller coaster. Darn.. I hate roller coasters. But I’m glad I’ve done it, at least once :>

Born Free

I love immersing myself in the serenity of nature… Most of the time, I can only imagine wishfully, what it feels like to be on top of the mountain, skinny-dipping in the clear blue sea, camping on an unclaimed beach, accompanied by millions of stars when night falls.

However, a few years ago, it became a reality. What irritates me is that, the pictures I have with me is losing its realism… It felt like a dream … I’m so desperate to get it back. I remember the times when I was hiking In New Zealand and Minnesota, I was more overwhelmed by exhaustion and the breath taking sceneries. I was busy snapping away, trying to hold on to every inch of soil I put my foot on. We were on a mission to complete the day’s hike and when we reached camp, I was more involved with nursing my sore feet and digging into the guide book for information about the next day’s hike.

When I feel suffocated in the city , how I wish there is a teleport invented, so that I get transported to that spot where my soul can get a recharge. The place where the awe of nature reduces my ego and I get pieces of myself back again.

Here, I share with you all, those places where my body had been, but my soul had not had the time to catch up on…..

A time forgotten…

I was reading my old diary a few days ago and some articles I wrote a few years back. It felt like visiting an old friend. Familiar, yet distant.

I’ve always liked keeping a traditional diary. Yes, technology is helpful with the additional features, which does wonders to the aesthetic appeal. But I still love how a traditional diary reveals the tiny details about you, at the point of time when the article was penned.

The atrocious handwriting (still is now)… dog-eared pages, faded ink, gave so much character to the diary. Though it has been many years apart, I can still identify my character traits in the many entries throughout the years. How I smiled knowingly and surprisingly at the thoughts I once owned and still do.

People say you lose your innocence with u grow up. But I believe that we just forget what it feels like to be innocent. To be in the moment, when now is forever. The ideals once held, visions waiting to be rekindled, are all lying in the forgotten pages in the diary.

Try putting your feelings in black and white. Any kind of them… it’s a space where u can be honest to just you. No fear of scrutiny, or judgment. Those moments are invaluable. It tells you who you are when u feel like losing yourself, when u can hardly remember what it feels like 10 or 20 years ago. Especially those in your teens, this is the time when life feels like forever, and surging emotions are like daily bread.

Lock them in ink.

Fear vs Faith

Fear grabs you and drags you to the worst possible scenarios. It takes the light out of the picture. Fear rationalizes in the coldest manner, interprets human hearts in its most sinister, malicious forms.
Fear teaches one to be on guard, to reject pain. It lectures that pain should not be felt, it is undeserving.

Faith on the other hand is the most motivating, embracing force ever. It works exactly in the opposite direction. It opens one’s mind to see light and hope in every worst-case scenario. It sees beyond human flaws. It understands, and accepts its deficiencies. It forgives and offers second chances all the time. It feels pain but acknowledges and delights in its ability to feel and be connected to oneself and others. It does not give up hope.

Most of us struggle with the two constantly. Sometimes, they overwhelm us by providence. At times, we fight and select the paths they offer. Sometimes, I slip into the world of dreams, just a place where I do not have to fight fear but a place where, when I look into the eyes of people, I see only faith..